my very first real ollie..

talk abt feeling in the middle of no where..

ure not good..

u'r not bad either..

its like.. u're not a man.. u're not a woman..

u're kinda gay.. haha..


but seriously.. after 2 yrs of skating.. i can say i finally learnt the right technique for an ollie.. its like, u magically feel like u're floating.. its so weird.. cause when u actually pop yur deck, u feel u aint gonna fly.. but, when u do, its like this golden hand pushes u up and just lifts off.. like this weird force.. which is so weird.. u wonder where the hell it comes from.. i hate u corry duffle for inspiring me..



today i was talking to my dad abt the inheratance stuff.. we've just been loaded.. i guess thats what explains the new car.. he was telling how my gf was afraid at night in the hospitals and he would sleep there.. it just occured to me.. i miss my grand dad so much.. i dont know why.. that stupid senile old man whod fight with me abt everything.. the tv, who gets what seat in the car, who gets the last slice of bread.. blah blah.. still as gay as he was, hes one family member i loved so much.. i never realised it till he was gone.. no matter how much we fought and argued, we also had some good laughs at my mum being all bimbotic.. last i remember of him was his silly sheepish old man smile he gave me when i left and came back to singapore.. he couldnt speak hindi either and hated india.. always told me not to socalise with them when i was a kid.. he look nth like an indian also.. then he'd be like, u know samu( that was his pet name for me.. yes.. SAMU.. hahaha) u look very different from indians.. u look nth like an indian boy..u'll never fit in here.. because u're an arian.. u're one of the last surviving almost pure arians there are these days.. almost extinct it was a very small community..and they were very stuck up and arrogant and stubborn just like your whole family is.. and he'd always tell me different stories abt arian history and stuff like that.. i just think my grand dad was cool.. in the sense that he knew so much, and i now when i finally am able to think properly, my grand dad is gone.. i still sometimes tear when i think abt him.. knowing that those moments spent with him will never come again.. seeing his teethless smile and playing with his saggy arm skin which hung sooooo low when he shaved everymorning.. and hed tell me to get lost and threathen to shave my head..

where ever u are.. if u have internet in heaven.. and one day stumble upon my blog, i want u to know, u're one of the reasons i am what i am today.. u and yur son,(my dad) have just been the best models i could ask for..


this is the song i wrote for u guys..


sittting in your chair
wondering if i care..
everytime our eyes
tend to meet..

u were the one
who picked me up
when i first fell
of my feet

sometimes i dont know what to say to u
or to ask if u're ok..
but u were the one who made my problems
seem just so far away..


you were always there... always there..
you were the one who seemed to care..
daddy dont u know
that i'd be nowhere
without youuuuuuu...

when u're far away... far away...
i lie in my bed and start to pray..
cause daddy dont u know..
that all along u were
my hero...