a chapter closes

gay

i dont have the urge to blog.. but i think i'm just going to cause well.. ns is coming.. i'm just turning my self off to everything around me.. for some strange reason i'm just cutting my self off.. i want to be alone.. and stone..


i didnt go to the post prom party today.. didnt feel like it.. sadly cause of recent eye opening events.. or rather change is smth i dont really accept very well..hypocritisism is smth worse.. its dam sad lar.. how the world is so full of hate and dislike.. hey i'm not saying i'm perfect.. there are so many things that annoy me.. like indeciciveness.. or how ever u spell that crapy long word.. in fact.. i'm someone who hates alot of things.. ah i dont even know where i'm going with this post..

i went out with my self today on a nice date to macs at 2 am in the morning.. listening to really old hip hop music from like shake your tail feather to mambo crap like lets twist again.. so i just skated really fast down the road to lido macs.. just as fast as my wheels and bearings could take me ocasionally looking back to see if any cars were coming to try to knock me over for the sake of roadkill..


i reached macs to be surrounded by trannies.. so i quickly changed place to somewhere on the other side.. ok when i was younger, the thought of sitting alone and eating would appear as though i was a loner and had no friends and just just just super looserlike.. the thing is.. i never really viewed people like tat.. i just thought if i were to eat alone in a public place, thats what people would think of me.. then one day it hit me.. i was hungry.. and my friends were all gonna be late.. so bo pian i had to grab a bite.. and then BHAM.. straight in my face, i had to face one my fears.. thank god i wasnt thinking straight.. my tummy got the better of me.. after placing my order and sitting down in a random spot, i looked around me.. not a single person cared if i was sitting and eating alone.. just like i didnt care abt the other people in the food court who were eating alone.. in fact eating alone was some how thereputic..once again i dont know how to spell these big words..SO.. back to my story, ya, i just sat there in macs today staring at nth but the no smoking sign and random people who walked by which made me turn my head.. then i just skated back home full speed down hill.. haha..

on the way home i stopped at the turn to novena.. suddenly my heart told me to go there.. and what else is there in novena? my church.. i just went there and stonned.. and reflected.. perhaps i am abit crazy.. the stuff i think abt.. the imaginary tales i spin in my head wishing to happen.. i guess i feel i am on the different frequency from alot of people around me.. i just dont really seem to care much abt what others think of me.. u think i'm a koot? so be it.. u think i'm cooL? even better.. haha.. i'm not the sort of goes around preaching and saying what god wants you to do.. if i were to do that, i'd be a pastor or a priest.. i dont care abt the divinities of religion.. weather u're christian, catholic, or buddhist, or indian or muslim.. they all teach the same thing right? dont be a dick who steals and treats people badly.. be nice to everyone blah blah blah.. same thing lar.. i believe in god.. weather its a HE or a SHE or just a source of superior living energy, i dont doubt in gods ways.. but basically all he/she/it wants is for u not to sin.. thats all..thats the bottom line.. perhaps i'm too naive and look at things too simply.. but then i dont know.. why cant everything be simple..


so now i realise that my life is too relaxed.. i'm not the block of wood like i used to be.... i will respond.. i just u know.. dont like the whole white hair thing and stress pimples popping all over the place.. i like sitting on the roof staring at the moon.. i like sitting in my bed playing my guitar.. i like long walks in supermarkets.. i like waiting for people when they're late,( well only if i have my ipod) i like making people laugh.. i like making people forget their problems.. i like making the people around me feel like everything is gonna be ok.. after all, everything is gonna be ok right? or well.. at least we'll have to keep living..


you always have the power to choose what you want to do.. if its anything i've learnt from the past 22 years of my weird life, its that.. no matter how things may be, YOU can do anything u want to.. well.. accept stupid radical illogical things lar.. like bring the moon to your house, or teach a cow to speak spanish, or make me like indian people.. stuff like tat dont work.. but i mean, in other things..like in the game of life.. its just a game.. how u play it to be successful, how u plan it early makes the shit load of difference at the end of the game, your every decision made leads u to where u are gonnna be 20 to 40 years later..


i dont know whats the point of this random post.. but i guess i'm closing this chapter of my life and opening a new one in national service.. crap labour in my terms..


i'm sorry if i dont want to hang out.. or dont want to meet up.. its not that i dont care, i'm just going through one of those "phases" where theres alot on my mind and i just need to sort things out till my next direction is pointed out to me.. now well, i could say i can point out my direction my self, and do smth abt my deadness lately, but i choose not to and let god show me his/her/it's way..


heres my take on homosexuality

2 4 6 8
gays are bad
god is straight


i take it that i'm gonna be spending alot of time in pergatory.. hahaha..