i'm messed up..

i hate this..

i hate this fighting.. i hate you you fucking chee by ass hole mingyi bloody fuck face.. i cant remember the last time i've felt so mad in my entire life.. i hate u i swear.. i cant stand u getting close to lucy... u're making my life miserable..


i'm at my lowest most point in my life now.. i feel dam lousy.. i've hurt lucy.. i've hurt my senior at work.. i've pissed my boss off so much.. i've disappointed my self.. i'm loosing my drive.. i cant be there for xy.. i destroyed my friendship with iona.. i feel like a total wreck..


i've tried and i'm still trying for you..i'm sorry for all the pain ive caused.. other than that.. i feel like my spirit is broken and totally crushed.. i know u're just gonna turn to him.. i know i'm gonna turn against everyone if that happens.. i know i might just give up on everything for a while.. i had this feeling coming today.. and hes gonna win.. i know he is.. i know u want to speak to him right now.. hes gonna be there.. and i'm the last person u wanna speak to.. once again i'm gonna be left here hanging for mistakes i made.. ure right.. i dont deserve u.. i dont deserve anyone..


i'm behaving like a boy and not a man.. if its meant to be, its meant to be.. what bull shit.. u gotta try and keep trying if u really want it.. i just dont feel u want it no more..=( i want to go back to the start.. let me take u there.. scrap the past.. lets start new.. i'm not thomas.. i'm not dom.. i'm sam.. and i hate mingyi.. weather u like it or not, as long as hes gonna be in the picture, i'm gonna be unhappy..


and i hate it when u think i dont believe in u.. i hate it when u think i dont care.. i hate it when u just think i'm agaisnt u.. hello u greyskull.. i love u.. and i'd do anything within my power to make u happy.. i'm tying to be that guy u want me to be but theres only so much i can do at one time.. u just have to see it this time.. i have a good start.. so please.. lets let the ikea dreams come true..