FUCK U WORLD..

gay..


gay.. gay gay.. i'm so dam confused.. i'm so happy on one side.. yet so depressed on the other..

HOW FUCKING SELFISH PEOPLE CAN BE.. SERIOUSLY.. ITS ALWAYS LIKE TAT.. I SWEAR FUCKING ALWAYS.. U PEOPLE DONT CARE.. ALL OF U.. WHEN U NEED SOMEONE AND FEEL SO FUCKING ALONE AND NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN YUR CONSTANT CRYING AND SADDNESS, I WAS ALWAYS THERE TO CHEER U PEOPLE UP.. ITS NOT JUST YOU GIN AND DENISE.. I REMEMBER ANOTHER PERSON CRYING IN MY ROOM LAST YEAR CAUSE SHE FELT LIKE HER BEST FRIEND CHANGED.. I CONVINCED U TO TALK ABT IT TO HER INSTEAD OF HIDING IT AND ACTING LIKE U DIDNT GIVE A DAM.. I WAS THERE TO TELL U THE TRUTH ABT UR BF'S LIES.. U PUT ME IN A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION.. U EVEN HACKED INTO MY PRIVATE BLOG FOR 6 MINTHS CONSTANTLY READING IT WITHOUT MY KNOWING..AND U ENDED UP FIND OUT SHIT U DESERVED TO KNOW.. YUR BF SMOKING BEHIND YUR BACK..I TOLD U AND ALMOST COMPRIMISED MY FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM.. AND NOW NOW U DONT TALK TO ME ANYMORE.. THE WORLD IS SO FUCKING UNGRATEFUL.. NO MATTER HOW MUCH U TRY TO HELP, IN THE END U END UP BEING THE ONE FEELING SHITTY AND ALL ALONE.. THIS WHOLE THING JUST REMINDED ME OF HOW FUCKED UP THE WORLD IS AND WHY I CONSTANTLY TRY TO TELL MY SELF TO BE HEARTLESS AND UNCARING


boy that feels better.. on a lighter note, i found 12 bucks while running up the stairs today, screwed up part was i was so happy i told my parents, and my mum was like give it to charity.. ughh..

good thing is a friendship was repaired.. and it felt good..


i realised i have serious problem.. some kind of obessive compulsive disorder.. i dont know why.. its like i cant stand food being wasted and being badly cooked and i feel the urge to leave what ever i'm doing to go rescue it.. yesterday was one example.. and i get so aggitated when people tell me what to do.. like hello.. i know what i'm doing.. i've trained my self to tell whats right and whats wrong.. i've read in books whats right and whats wrong.. and its constantly running through my head.. i welcome advice and pointers all the time.. theres no right or wrong way to cooking food.. but i dont like it when people get in the way when i'm doing food preperation and cooking..by telling me what ever i do is wrong.. it seriously annoys me.. i feel like i have this standard to uphold and i know some times i become such an annoying uptight person..i've been trained by 2 dam good chefs and i only listen to people who know what they are doing.. theres a diff between teaching someone and telling a person they are totally wrong.. i my self wont tell inexperienced people they are wrong but instead show them an alternative method and let them see its easier that way.. and like wise, i listen when people tell instead of boss me around.. i know i kill the mood by not letting people play with the food.. i dont know if its cause i care too much, or cause i'm growing up and cant stand kiddyness anymore..i dont know.. i just dont..

i'm just so confused by everyone and everything lately that its making me feel so fucked up inside..