2007

hello mr blog gay


its been a long time and i think this is gonna be one of those reflective reflector for the year 2007 cliche entries which everyone has on their blog.. so yEah..


2007 has been a strange year.. i mean compared to last year 2006 when i felt my life had finally began.. i started cooking.. started living.. started paying alot more attention to things.. i dont know.. at first thoughts i felt 07 would kinda suck like crap.. but then.. it did have its rough moments.. for a long period of time i was pretty unhappy cause i felt i was stuck in ns away from the kitchen.. the little chef in me would prob be screaming doing things he didnt want to do.. i was in a relationship which at first was the best thing going for me.. which later on resulted in being my down fall.. which LATER on resulted in me getting a deeper prespective on life..


this entry is gonna be boring.. and long and basically thoughts which i havent put down on paper/blog-er before.. perhaps i have.. but i cant remember.. ok SO in as much of a cronological order as i can remember, i shall begin..


roughly on the 7 or 8th of january this year.. i met a girl.. a sweet girl.. prob at that time, she was the most beautiful girl in the world.. at least to me.. the way she spoke.. her smile.. her chirpyness.. just everything abt her made me go all high and floaty.. till today.. i still think abt it and wonder where she went.. i've given up hope on her coming back.. and even if she did now, i'd prob walk away cause of the sorrow.. sounds gay.. her name was luciana.. she was 16.. now i'm a 22 year old.. was a 22 year old.. now a 23 year old.. and trust me.. i know better than dating kids.. but this one.. was different.. she was special.. she had love in her eyes.. she wanted to change the world.. we could have changed the world.. and during my brt(basic rescue training) she was the one thing that kept me going.. everyday i'd call her or shed call me and she was the only person i'd wanna waste my precious battery on cause we arnt allowed chargers in camp.. and everymoment spent talking to her was just.. bliss.. week ends were spent with her.. couldnt imagine spendin them with anyone else.. everything just felt so not important.. i didnt want to cook.. hang out with my friends.. look at other girls.. and i loved the feeling.. it didint matter to me cause even if she wasnt in the room.. she was the most beautiful girl i could only have eyes for..




this would be our first picture together.. she refused to be seen cause at that time she thought she was ugly.. but just look at her.. even when u dont see her face.. i would feel gay just looking at this picture..









i can remember our first date.. where i told her i was hungry.. i just passed my driving practicals so i was itching to drive.. we went to changi airport when she sneaked out.. and i felt so ugly cause of my short hair.. and black face.. haha.. oh yes.. this is one memoryy along the ecp..



time went by.. arguments started coming up.. she slowly began to become lesser and lesser of the girl who wanted to save the world.. sometimes i think it was my fault..i was pretty much of a dick.. i had no money most of the time..the moment i got my ns pay, it would practically be half gone cause of bills.. insurance.. transport.. books.. blahhh.. and like every time i felt i wanted to do smth.. wed end up fighting and my mood would totally go away.. for some reason.. she was always unhappy.. i dont know if its cause i made her unhappy.. or weather she was perpetually like that.. i think by me trying to help i just screwed up alot of things for her.. i dont know i just wasnt the sort to sit around and let things happen... i cared too much..there was once she was so mean to me i was crying and crying and crying like a bloody dick at work till my officer told me to go home.. it was so embarrassing and it sucks when the person u care abt starts treating u like dirt and asks u to choose between other things u care abt and them.. thats when it all started happening to me.. i began to get very depressed.. and very very hostile.. not only towards her.. but towards alot of things.. cause basically i took advice from a a pessimest.. ok not really.. hes a great person and a very good friend, but that got me going in a wrong direction cause i was fuling my self with anger instead of change making juice.. to me peoples feelings didnt matter.. i just needed to get what i needed to get done.. but thats wrong.. its not me.. it would never be me.. unfortunately, when u hit that state of mind, u become very detached from everyone.. and trust me, at first its good cause nth can bring u down.. but then u realise.. u're so alone.. and its not fun..





this was that day when i took the half day off.. to meet her.. we thought we could repair things.. i tell u it sucked.. our relationship was just down hill from there.. i dont want to write abt this anymore.. i'm just gonna say what i have to say to put this experience behind me.. luciana.. if u do ever read this.. i just want to say i'm sorry. i'm just not right for u.. u and me are like apple and submarine..nth in common.. i need someone whose happy.. who wants to be happy.. who wants to stayy happy.. whos independant.. someone i can lean on.. some one who can lean on me..someone i can grow with.. with u, i really felt i was falling.. my friends disliked u.. u embarrassed me with your strange thoughts of how people should treat u.. i felt like i didnt know u anymore.. the girl who was once so camera shy was now so full of her self.. u told me i was stupid or naieve or what ever for believeing that happiness exists.. i still believe it does.. cause i'm living it.. u told me my best friend would walk out on me and she didnt care.. but look whose still here after so long.. she still is.. everytime i was emo and the only reason i was emo cause u made me so emo.. and she was always there to answer my calls and bear with my nonsensce.. and i could never be there for her when she needed me cause i was too involved with you.. u brought me down lucy.. at times u pulled me up.. but now i look back.. i realised i pulled my self up.. and i'm sorry i've wasted all your time.. i would still wnat to be friends with you but some of the things u've said make me hate u as a person.. i dont have any respect for u left.. like perhaps the things u've said just came out cause u were angry.. but i dont know it stuck in me.. i'm no body to u anymore.. i dont even want to be your friend.. i mean i do.. i want to respect u as a person.. but seriously.. i cant.. i hope you treat your new pastry chef bf better cause i from what u tell me.. he seems like a nice guy.. although hes a pastry chef and i wish all the best.. i do have a very good impression of him and i hope he can stand your shit..maybe one day when i get rid of all this anger in me which i have for u, then we just might be able to speak freely.. i'm sorry i feel so bad and feel so guilty and prob hardly ever hate anyone.. but u.. and my aunt whose indian.. just as once as u were the most beautiful girl in the world to me, now u'll just be another face in the crowd.. good bye.. to u and 2007






NATIONAL SERVICE!!! am i firefighter..?? no.. but i get to dress up as one.. hahaha..




MUAHAHAHAHHAA..

SO 9of jan 07 was the first day of hell for me.. supprisingly its not that bad now coming to end of this year.. my senior gay kamsani is great.. he has nice breasts which he lets me squeeze now and then.. and i think i'd e totally lost without someone as reliable and funny as him.. always talking abt how many CHICKYS attack him for his body.. and how we try to throw work towards each other as much as possible.. man.. hes just awesome.. kinda sad he'll be going in 6 months and we wont hang out that much anymore.. the times i've been pretty down at work.. with lucy and even somethings that i screwed up, the guy was just there.. not saying anything but just there to give u that pat on the back knowing that u're covered.. all this kamsani talk makes me feel like touching him now.. hahaha..



also happenin this year, was my first promotion to lance corporal.. WOOT! haha.. it felt dam good although i was on MC during the promotion ceremony..haha.. so now come feb 1st 08 i'd prob hopefully be going up to a corporal.. MUHAHAHAHHA terrorising junior time..



ah this was one of my platoon in brt before our chemical agent training.. i'm somewhere at the back.. ah thats my hand which is in the C shape in the back row.. bunch of sick pes c loosers with injurys and mental probs.. but there, i also made a few good friends.. ahmad.. jeremy, andrew.. yiheng.. ah alot more..



heres jeremy our pusedo japanese daft little bugger with his boyfriend le-tish-ah on his bird day..



mambo nite with 4 horny ns boys can be quite entertaining and also stange.. its funny to hear them say.. EHH IF U MEET GIRL DONT BASTARD US HOR!! like seriously.. u look at us.. u think we're so cool ah!! we were so cool we went there at 930.. waited till 10 to get tickets and came back out.. just so that we wouldnt idiots waiting in the line.. oh oh and u get to see what people do when they are drunk.. also cross dressing tendancies show.. even if they arnt drunk.. haha..







ah yes.. one of my closest ns friends whose the pessimest but what ever.. ahmad.. and me.. with non matching socks.. and some fat guy.. haha..






SO.. other than failed relationships and NS, i now speak of my gay friends.. yes.. i'm gonna talk abt feelings.. and emotions and love.. HAHAHAHAHHAA



LTP Has come a long way since we first started.. and still till this day, no one has every heard of us..we skate.. and we act gay.. and now, play arcade games from 1990 and get drunk and shave peoples eye brows and put cat whiskers on them.. by people i mean alvin.. SO.. lots of silly things done this year.. like building our gay skate club box for singapore poly which i found out today benji said he made them when he didnt even hammer in a single nail.. bastard.. haha..



ken looking weird
it was so hot that day..



haha.. the final product.. and the cock look on alvins face..


then there was the discovery of botak jones which makes everyone happy!


the look of love

ah the look on their faces when they saw what was coming for them..






here are a couple of old shots taken just before ns.. ignore thedate its wrong..

ahh.. sam during a rape.. he didnt put up any force..



strange malaysians..

after a nice game of GAY!
















HAHAHAHAHAHA!



our drear old jeff.. looking happy!



and jerald! with jeff emoing below




AND THEN THERE WAS NEW YEARS PRE CELEBRATION! ken decided that sat was gonna be our little get together and get drunk day.. or at least.. get jeff drunk day.. which resulted in everyone getting high and sleepy.. we played stupid 1990s arcade games and shaved his eye brow and drew whiskers on him..haha.. ken later stole jeffs prawn and brought it back to the bed room and made jeff very sad..


jeff and alvin playing house of the dead


jeff after alcohol.







oh jeff.. lets make love..


HOHOHOHOHO



alvin.. it was jeff who drew u!


shaved eyebrow










and now with family..i havent been the best friend.. well cause i couldnt even be a friend to my self cause of my relationship.. i just didnt have time.. but i am very grateful to you xy.. u dont know how much u mean to me at times.. i call u fat.. and pig and elephant.. and fat.. and make funny sounds and laugh at your insecurities in your face.. but then.. u're really like the sister i never had.. u're just always there at the right times.. u've always stood when i ran away.. i guess cause u knew i'd always come back.. i feel like a fagg for pouring my emotions out for the whole world to see.. but then again.. who cares.. u're my gay indian sister and i er.. MOOOJII MOOJIIIMOOOOOOOJUUUMUUU you.. god this is so gay.. but i'm feeling soft now.. ken would prob kill me if he read this..




the mum, the xy, MR dad, and me.. a few nights before enlistment at brew works..i still think i dont look like my parents..


zoette.. u once fat now skinny woman who finally has a bf.. i know u still read my blog and wait for my entries.. sure we hardly ever meet but when we do, we always have a good time.. cam whoring all over singapore from the ecp to the air port at funny hours of the morning.. u're a good friend..and one i know i'd prob be friends with when i'm at the old folks home wetting my pants with after our kids ditch us there to play majong and taitee.. i think we'd still cam whore though.. and i want to have gay sex with your brother cause hes so pretty..


happy people!

HAHAHA


stupid gay china lesbian doll modem! or smth like that



and now finally.. the food aspect..
i had one major event this year which rocked my anus.. but with good friends with superb skills.. these guys made it anything possible...
the hwa chong event was supposedly for 100 to 130 people.. but i think we got over loaded with people and hit 200.. the food was all swept away.. drinks brownies fruits canapes.. all POOF! and i felt like some celebrety chef.. but it really wouldnt be possible with chef sady, my head chef alvin.. lead bartender ken and entertainer jeff.. who i must say is a jack of all trades.. it was a great experience for all of us.. as for now, catering is on hold due to SATS coming up.. i just dont have time to experiment as much as i did last time.. but soon i'll continue again..



ah.. ken got strange bullshit from jeff ALL night long

they make great cleaners too..

some happy fat satisfied chef xamm customer.. he really liked the food and kept asking for more..

salmon tarts with cavaire, motz-e-rella and tomato bruchettas, and italian crustinineeees canapes!!


alvin peeling an onion..
ah our grand fruit platter


some badly angled shot of me.. but what ever.. haha..

oh yes.. xy was an angle/angel that night but i dont have a pic of her to put in..




so yes.. i'm coming to an end.. i'll just leave it here cause i'm really tired.. and YES... HELLO 2008!!! 1 YEAR TO ORD!!!








HELLO WORLD!