come get to know me!

ive been growing very inward..

like i've become a hermit.. i just sleep run and do NS stuff..


so come... for the rest who do still read this.. let me let u inside for a brief moment.. i seem to have been putting on a facade for long enough.. a happy go lucky oh i love to cook blaah life is wonderful look..

look i'm not trying to say i'm ohh sad and gloomy inside.. i am happy.. i am contented.. i got a handful of easy to maintain friendships.. xy ken iona alvin jeff.. and good ns buddies.. ahmad jeremy.. which i must say is more than enough.. i have awesome new friend rachel who is just such a joy to hang out with.. i have a great NS vocation.. challenging and rewarding.. i'm surrounded by the ocasional talent such as hanif, jon keng and maj mus.. i have great parents who are very suportive of my nonsece.. and.. life is good..


but still i hold ALOT inside me.. alot i dont share.. alot even to my closest, i keep in a box.. i realised today i'm 100% over lucy.. and i'm happy.. haha..

ok what ever.. i realised i wont settle for second place.. i wont take second best.. i rather eat rice with curry sauce from macs, then settle for shit food like bee hoon or shit frie rice. i rather be single and happy, then be stuck in an unfurfilling relationship.. BUT then people say, u should take what u get.. u cant have the best of everything.. i disagree.. u should work for what u want.. fight.. dont brag.. but be proud.. u dont need someone to tell u uve done good.. u should know u;ve done good.. and once in a while, u may get a compliment which is your moltivation to strive forward.. i like to praise people.. i like people to prove me wrong.. read.. PROOVEEEEEEEEE me wrong.. not sat i'm wrong without justification.. i like to see things from not just my side.. everyside.. every prespective..we all have our views.. let me see if i can see where u are coming from.. i love to see people change.. change for the better.. break free of bad habbits.. control their problems instead of letting their problems control them..


then again this is what i want.. i'm still in this phase of life now.. where i'm searching for excitement.. i want the challenge.. i miss the kitchen.. i miss food.. i miss organising.. i miss learning.. i miss being around greatness.. i am a sponge.. 7 months to go and i'm off.. it makes me feel like crying.. like bursting into tears at times.. but not sad tears.. happy tears that i'd be finally done..

girls dont impress me anymore.. everyones just so normal.. i hate normal.. i'm just not anybodys type, and neither is any body right for me.. i'm not afraid of being single all my life.. id make a good husband and dad, but whats the point if i suck at being a good boyfriend.. haha.. yes i am selfish.. VERY, VERY. VERY selfish.. i care only abt my self.. but i do care.. alot.. i just dont show it.. cause emotions make me feel weak.. they make me vulnerable.. i choose to be a man of steel.. not cold steel.. but warm steel.. wtf is that.. HAHA.. i dont like to feel broken.. or torn.. i like to be a direction.. a guidiance factor.. not a leader.. a friend, a diciplinarian, a mentor.. a role model.. a learner, a follower.. a shoulder.. a person u know u can rely upon to get things done.. this is me.. i love to make u happy.. but i'd love it if we could just feel free.. not a worry in the world when ure with me.. la la la la la la la life is wonderful.. it is.. we can make it wonderful.. we can taste the fruit of our labour.. we can life furfilling lives..


i dont knw what i just typed.. but thats me.. inside.. gay as ever..