drained and possiblily dead inside

gay..

just as the name says it.. i feel tat way.. i just feel empty and dead..the sam in me is on vacation some where.. i know he'll be back soon..


i've lost my mood for jamming.. i pick up my guitar to learn the bass, but i feel so dead.. i dont feel like jamming.. so many problems.. i just dont wanna do anything..

solved they might be.. but i doubt they wont stay that way.. we were a great band..we had it.. the weird we dont care image.. the stage was our second toilet..we were truly who we were on stage.. no different from what we were like in real life.. but i see it as over.. i walked out a long time ago.. i lost my drive to pull people together.. i just cant be bothered.. and its upsetting cause i usually would.. as much as i try to tell my self i'm in this band and i havent walked out, my head just gets filled with this sickining feeling of problems.. like, i love the music.. i seriously do.. but when it come down to actually jamming.. i hate to agree with adam.. i hate it.. i dont blame him for feeling this way.. cause its true.. i just dont feel like jamming.. at least not for now.. i guess as honest as u were that day zach abt telling me u didnt do anything, it still felt like wtf.. maybe its better that u didnt tell me unless i asked.. cause it sure made me and malt feel dam cheated.. and adam too.. he could tell.. we couldnt..


i guess thats whats getting me down.. my problem has surfaced and well i just feel like being alone.. or talking abt non important things.. instead of other peoples issues.. cause i cant solve my own so how can i solve yurs.. i'm sorry xy.. i just need to get over this.. its REALLY just a phase.. i'll talk to u soon when i feel better..




skating at bedok sucked on fri.. though skating with ken for the past 2 days has been great.. in a weird way... haha..


my broken friendship with alyssa apparently no longer has a negative effect on my emotions but so far a positive one.. its nice to see the people who knew me personally stuck by me instead of the short tempered ones.. haha.. ur loss baby..


for some strange reason i need a pep talk from maltin.. i know it sounds stupid.. but fuck yeah.. i sure could use it..





na bei.. u better be my steady gym buddy ass hole before i show the whole world the maltin skinny video.. haha..