control

gay..


i realised today alot abt my self..


u're right abt me.. i always think i'm right.. i assume things.. i'm a control freak.. and i realised because of that, i cut of so many ties with friends.. ok i really dont regret any of those friendships i broke..and that i just stop talking for no apparent reason.. why? cause it makes me feel like i'm in control.. like i chose that path.. that i decided that i didnt want to speak to them no more.. my pride.. my fucking enormous pride.. its so huge.. i can see it.. i can feel it sticking right in my face.. i'm proud to admit i have a pride.. and i'm also too proud to do anything abt it.. a wise lady who hardly even knows me told me that my pride would cause my down fall.. my ego.. i didnt believe her.. like wtf i thought to my self.. i'm not proud.. i'm SO NOT proud.. but.. shit.. she hardly even knows me, but can read me so well.. that i didnt even know it was true till another close friend brought it to my face.. and thats when things hit me.. when the people i care abt tell me how they truly feel abt me.. it means so much.. so thank u joette.. seriously..



i still dont want to burst my bubble.. i dont know why.. but i seriously need to control it ALOT now..

even band stuff... i shouldnt have been so extreme abt it.. i could have just cut down my talking.. but no.. i did the extreme.. i have issues.. i seriously have issues.. oh but i dont hate my self.. haha.. i've come to accept this is who i am.. i do feel how ever i should lower my pride and start taking lessons in humility and what ever the opposite word of pride is..