gay..













































yupp.. my mind is blank..

when there was me and you

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

oh oh

Gay

My blog is sad.. i only come here when i'm not over the moon.. so u can see i disappeared for the last 2 to 3 months.. cause well.. i was happy.. seriously.. i couldnt ask for any thing more.. i thought army would be a major drag.. but honestly, i'm happy with it.. the friends made it good.. constant bitching like little school girls.. one from bombay, one from australia, one from japan and one from pakistan.. man we were so gay.. and it was good.. and still is.. but i mean that gets me going through out the day.. when people are around me, i forget my issues.. i forget my problems.. but the moment i step in the bus with my crappy emo song playlist playing, i feel like crap.. i just think of why? why? why? why?.. but i mean hey, i did get smth back.. the old me.. the wanting to help change the world sam-eer.. like for a long time i closed up, and didnt bother with any thing else but my self and close friends.. now i've realised it extends everywhere.. except to those i feel who take me for granted.. i cant stand that.. be nice..


the last relation ship i was in sort of just ended abruptly for me.. whose fault.. i dont know.. both of us i guess.. she felt unhappy, i felt confused cause i all along i thought she was happy.. and then smack right in my face she tells me shes unhappy with me.. so i flip.. and i know its dam stupid.. from what seemed like a time out at first had resulted in total loss of communication and i dont know how to start a convo.. i tried.. i really still want to be friends.. at least on talking terms.. i dont know why.. but as for the side of me that actually hopes to actually meet someone like i did in saint france, yupp, that just died.. i thought i'd give it one more shot after Danielle.. like hey nth seems wrong, she seems like my type.. why not right? and i was proven right once again.. love doesnt exist in my life.. no matter how much u care abt someone, they'll never really appreaciate you.. well, cause most people are selfish.. which is what caused me to turn cold to the whole world.. why should i care abt u.. if u dont care abt me, or want smth from me or have a sickining ulterior motive.. but then, ah.. screw it lar.. u wanna make use of me, go ahead.. smth that i picked up from ken and brian was just to smile it off and say ok.. and just take it for exactly what it is.. so yeah.. i guess i am thankful to her for making me realise so much abt my self.. but i am sad it ended.. i thought it was going swell till i dont even know what one earth happened.. trust issues.. i dont hate her or dislike her or anything.. shes great.. but it hurt so much that day i pulled back alot.. i'm just gonna not go near women for now.. yes sam is stopping the dating game and being a gay army man.. i'm just not ready though i just want to run back to her..

its funny how i always used to run away from my problems.. till i met her..


speaking of that i got my new uniform today.. looks like a dam cop outfit.. haha.. time to ka jao people.. i need to improve my chinese..

so tomorrow/sat should be persuit of happiness day with xy.. and hopefully the gay lovers will come along at night : Jelvind..


i still look like a bloody dick with my gay botak head..and i have mini lats! woot!


skatings growing on me again.. managed to land one tyco backside flip.. anyway.. its gonna be ollie season..

Did you get my message? (Ahh)
That I want to reconnect with you… (ooh)
Did you get my message? (ahh)
That I want to get back with you… (ooh)
Did you get my message? (Ahh)
That I want to reconnect with you… (ooh)
Did you get my message? (ahh)
That I want to get back with you… (ooh)

please dont tell her- jason mraz

gay


ok its time for an entry.. since kens blogged i think i shall too.. i'm finally no longer a a recruit.. a crappy low rank private.. and i really wish i could take up firefighting.. it would be dam awesome to tell my grand kids,(which i doubt i'll ever have) that i was a fire fighter.. but ah..now i can tell them i was a clerk at the public affairs department.. which is er... interesting..


so.. recruit life at cd has actually been quite fun.. made some great friends like andrew and ramiz and jeremy.. core members of the gay squad.. and the others like zhi han yi heng ck lin hao solikin jimson lawrence ahmad sambri and choon and.. gaahh i cant remember all the names.. not to be racist i'm glad i managed to land up in a chi gang.. i just prefer the culture.. plus they're great people lar from different walks of life.. macs lunch was fun but also abit sad lar.. like no more platton 5 gay squad.. but the 31st bbq should be a blast...


anyway,i havent skated in so long.. i feel like a total looser poser noob boob lar.. cant ollie properly.. cant do any flip trick consistantly.. my spin tricks are all gone.. i'm just so scared of my anlke.. but i'm gonna start over.. alvin has taken up an interest in phycology.. which is rather strange for an ah beng.. but i still admire the way he breaks things down to the simplest detail..


i just ate this horrible tasting leaf...


suddenly i'm liking abit of rnb and hip hop songs.. i dont understand why.. but still.. i've been listening to jason mraz not stop the whole day of today and yesterday.. i dont know.. i just feel happy.. or perhaps i'm just trying to forget the nonsense in my head...



i finally managed to gain the weight i lost in the army.. dam depressing lar.. but hey, i feel abit of boobie on my chest.. and my arms have grown by like 1.3 cm.. dam happy lar.. but crap.. i need 10 more kg.. sadly my pull ups are getting from worse to crap..


i know i'm changing.. i can feel my self caring more abt the people around me.. i'm sick of running away from problems.. i want to face em.. strangely.. i guess army has helped abit..


its dam sad when its weird to talk to your old flame.. like contact is so minimal.. its just so hard.. i want to be friends.. i want to be normal.. i dont see why its so hard.. i tried making conversation today.. but apparently it didnt really help.. is it that hard?

i hear she's kickin ass across the board and rock two hundred thousand higher scorerjust in time to save the world of being taken over

she's a warrior

i couldn't play again because the game it never end it never even landed on the can

and never let me in to spend my quarter

there's no love for me no more

say it isn't so

how she easily come, how she easy go

please don't tell her that i miss her

because i don't

say that it isn't sohow she easily come, how she easy go

please don't tell her that i've been meaning to miss her

because i don'tnot for her

it's not that i'm mad to forgive

forget what i said

that i'm crazy like the rest of us

and i'm crazier when i'm next to her, ha

so why after the all of everything that came and went

i care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras

i told you i don't but

i am only trying to be the best with my intent to cure

the rest is sure to lay me ease the plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology

that's easier said

easier than done

please don't dare tell her what i've become

please don't mention all the attention i have drawn

please don't bother cause she'll feel guilty when i'm gone

because i'm crazy like the rest of us

and i'm crazier when i'm next to her

and it's amazing how she's self-assured

and i know she'd hate me if she knew my words

do i hurt anymoredo i hurt, well

i don't

i don't

i don't

no turning back..

gay



did you get my msg? -jason mraz