drained and possiblily dead inside

gay..

just as the name says it.. i feel tat way.. i just feel empty and dead..the sam in me is on vacation some where.. i know he'll be back soon..


i've lost my mood for jamming.. i pick up my guitar to learn the bass, but i feel so dead.. i dont feel like jamming.. so many problems.. i just dont wanna do anything..

solved they might be.. but i doubt they wont stay that way.. we were a great band..we had it.. the weird we dont care image.. the stage was our second toilet..we were truly who we were on stage.. no different from what we were like in real life.. but i see it as over.. i walked out a long time ago.. i lost my drive to pull people together.. i just cant be bothered.. and its upsetting cause i usually would.. as much as i try to tell my self i'm in this band and i havent walked out, my head just gets filled with this sickining feeling of problems.. like, i love the music.. i seriously do.. but when it come down to actually jamming.. i hate to agree with adam.. i hate it.. i dont blame him for feeling this way.. cause its true.. i just dont feel like jamming.. at least not for now.. i guess as honest as u were that day zach abt telling me u didnt do anything, it still felt like wtf.. maybe its better that u didnt tell me unless i asked.. cause it sure made me and malt feel dam cheated.. and adam too.. he could tell.. we couldnt..


i guess thats whats getting me down.. my problem has surfaced and well i just feel like being alone.. or talking abt non important things.. instead of other peoples issues.. cause i cant solve my own so how can i solve yurs.. i'm sorry xy.. i just need to get over this.. its REALLY just a phase.. i'll talk to u soon when i feel better..




skating at bedok sucked on fri.. though skating with ken for the past 2 days has been great.. in a weird way... haha..


my broken friendship with alyssa apparently no longer has a negative effect on my emotions but so far a positive one.. its nice to see the people who knew me personally stuck by me instead of the short tempered ones.. haha.. ur loss baby..


for some strange reason i need a pep talk from maltin.. i know it sounds stupid.. but fuck yeah.. i sure could use it..





na bei.. u better be my steady gym buddy ass hole before i show the whole world the maltin skinny video.. haha..

PICTURESSSSSSSS..

gay...



bomb and mothers foot.. haha..


bomb and well.. wires...



my new grill!!! ok it doest look that grand but its dam good..


my gay mum who thinks i'm gay but is secretely gay with hopes of me turning gay..


dont u think malt looks pretty?


sweet and sour pork by cat womans daddy..


ahem..


woooo i like this pic.. in her mind shes thinking spank ME..


we'll break free you kuku..=D

gay..

hahahhahahahahahahhahaha.. i realise my entry abt alysa or how ever u spell her name has caused her to write me back a very nice blog entry in honor of me..


www.addicted_to_you.blogspot.com


hahahahhahahahahaha.. what a joke.. =D

u're so lucky i didnt use u.. u're so lucky.. haha..

how this is this line..

gay...

i'm sick of running from you alysa.. i'm sick of making the first move..i cant believe i actually tried to smile to u today only to see u fucking roll your eyes off.. seriously, u dont know how fucking small that made me feel.. is that yur point.. is that how u want to make me feel? well its working.. but it ends today.. i'm sick of being afraid.. if this is the fucking childish guilt game u wanna play, u can jolly well play it yur self.. apologice like mad, still not happy.. i've been so darn affected by u for the past few days.. but today, is where i draw the line.. seriously.. enough is enough.. now, i dont want to work things out.. and friends like u i can do without.. its taken me a very long time to come to a decision like this and i have no regrets abt it.. yeah.. READ THIS and tell all yur friends what a fucker i am.. tell them what a fucked up ass hole i am as much as u want.. what u think abt me doesnt matter no longer..i just cant be bothered.. good bye..

butterflies in my tummy

gay..

i look like i have a bomb strapped to me.. getting all these weird stares from people in the train..

on top of that i feel dam nausious.. or how ever u spell it.. stupid gay device..


my mum is being growing senile.. keeps procasinating but never makes any move.. ugh..

save me..

FUCK U WORLD..

gay..


gay.. gay gay.. i'm so dam confused.. i'm so happy on one side.. yet so depressed on the other..

HOW FUCKING SELFISH PEOPLE CAN BE.. SERIOUSLY.. ITS ALWAYS LIKE TAT.. I SWEAR FUCKING ALWAYS.. U PEOPLE DONT CARE.. ALL OF U.. WHEN U NEED SOMEONE AND FEEL SO FUCKING ALONE AND NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN YUR CONSTANT CRYING AND SADDNESS, I WAS ALWAYS THERE TO CHEER U PEOPLE UP.. ITS NOT JUST YOU GIN AND DENISE.. I REMEMBER ANOTHER PERSON CRYING IN MY ROOM LAST YEAR CAUSE SHE FELT LIKE HER BEST FRIEND CHANGED.. I CONVINCED U TO TALK ABT IT TO HER INSTEAD OF HIDING IT AND ACTING LIKE U DIDNT GIVE A DAM.. I WAS THERE TO TELL U THE TRUTH ABT UR BF'S LIES.. U PUT ME IN A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION.. U EVEN HACKED INTO MY PRIVATE BLOG FOR 6 MINTHS CONSTANTLY READING IT WITHOUT MY KNOWING..AND U ENDED UP FIND OUT SHIT U DESERVED TO KNOW.. YUR BF SMOKING BEHIND YUR BACK..I TOLD U AND ALMOST COMPRIMISED MY FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM.. AND NOW NOW U DONT TALK TO ME ANYMORE.. THE WORLD IS SO FUCKING UNGRATEFUL.. NO MATTER HOW MUCH U TRY TO HELP, IN THE END U END UP BEING THE ONE FEELING SHITTY AND ALL ALONE.. THIS WHOLE THING JUST REMINDED ME OF HOW FUCKED UP THE WORLD IS AND WHY I CONSTANTLY TRY TO TELL MY SELF TO BE HEARTLESS AND UNCARING


boy that feels better.. on a lighter note, i found 12 bucks while running up the stairs today, screwed up part was i was so happy i told my parents, and my mum was like give it to charity.. ughh..

good thing is a friendship was repaired.. and it felt good..


i realised i have serious problem.. some kind of obessive compulsive disorder.. i dont know why.. its like i cant stand food being wasted and being badly cooked and i feel the urge to leave what ever i'm doing to go rescue it.. yesterday was one example.. and i get so aggitated when people tell me what to do.. like hello.. i know what i'm doing.. i've trained my self to tell whats right and whats wrong.. i've read in books whats right and whats wrong.. and its constantly running through my head.. i welcome advice and pointers all the time.. theres no right or wrong way to cooking food.. but i dont like it when people get in the way when i'm doing food preperation and cooking..by telling me what ever i do is wrong.. it seriously annoys me.. i feel like i have this standard to uphold and i know some times i become such an annoying uptight person..i've been trained by 2 dam good chefs and i only listen to people who know what they are doing.. theres a diff between teaching someone and telling a person they are totally wrong.. i my self wont tell inexperienced people they are wrong but instead show them an alternative method and let them see its easier that way.. and like wise, i listen when people tell instead of boss me around.. i know i kill the mood by not letting people play with the food.. i dont know if its cause i care too much, or cause i'm growing up and cant stand kiddyness anymore..i dont know.. i just dont..

i'm just so confused by everyone and everything lately that its making me feel so fucked up inside..

gay...

i skated today.. after quite some time.. was pretty alright with ken..finally managed to land my switch hard flip and rolled away.. ok dam sketchy.. but hey.. improvement is improvement.. must be my sexy short pants.. and haha.. the biggest joke is the switch 360 flip.. that one i want to learn for fun.. its just dam cool la.. cant do normal but can do switch.. i didnt land it though..i feel like my switch stance has grown another level.. like i can comfortably switch ollie up stuff 3 decks high.. the feeling is amazing..


i keep trying to be heartless and not give a shit.. and like try to act as if i dont care abt u two..but i cant.. honestly i still think abt what both u gugu-jiaos are doing everyday.. but i dont know.. i just cant find the right words to say..as in innitiate a convo.. i tried that day.. but u didnt reply.. so yeah.. i got the hint..but still i cant let go.. i got a private number call today and was wondering if it was u.. but i only saw it a few hours after the call.. and i was still kind of hoping it was one of u two.. i know i've that i've put u all in very awkard situations.. and i know i've said i'm manupulative.. but i never did that to the both of u.. i really considered u my friends.. exactly why i invited u to the zachs bbq.. why i talked to u people when u had problems.. why i tried to cheer u all up with all nonsence.. why i'm feeling so fucked up now by the fact i may have lost two really good people.. i didnt do it cause i was trying to get into yur good books.. i did it cause i truly cared abt what u people had to say.. and trust me.. i felt like shit after lying to u all that nite.. u can ask her if u dont believe me.. i still do.. i my self cant forgive my self for what i did and u guys have the right to be angry with me and loose trust in me.. after that, i felt a gap.. a strange gap.. and perhaps now the gap is far to big to ever close up.. sucks doesnt it.. like u said.. friends come, friends go.. i tell that all the time to my one of my best friends xinyi.. and i'm one of those who come and go.. i want to stay.. but sometimes, i my self screw up situations for me to remain in the picture..



i just suck at making the first move to solve problems.. i'm not running away.. i'm just not saying anything to clear it up..


i hate this OC, one-tree-hill,bold and beautiful life..too much complications..
i just hope we jam soon.. real soon.. aaron u bloody chee by come back.. NOW..

the magic is dead..

gayyyyy...

i've let go of my past.. i know it.. i'm so contented now.. i just feel like smiling gayly... jason mraz writes the most perfect songs..i still think i've lost u as a friend..which is sad.. its no ones fault.. it was just meant to happen.. which was all u wanted me to be.. a friend.. now i'll give u that.. i think u should know who u are.. i need not say much more.. i really hope we will still be friends.. and i feel like we arnt anymore..


please dont tell her..-jason mraz

I hear she's kickin ass across the board and rock two hundred thousand higher scorer
Just in time to save the world of being taken over
She's a warrior
I couldn't play again because the game it never end it never even landed on the can
And never let me in to spend my quarter
There's no love for me no more

Say it isn't so
How she easily come, how she easy go
Please don't tell her that I miss her
Because I don't

She was the girl with the broadest shoulders
But she would die before I crawled over them
She is taller than I am
She knew I wouldn't mind the view there
Or the altitude with a mouth full of air
She let me down and doubt came out until the now became later

Say that it isn't so
How she easily come, how she easy go
Please don't tell her that I've been meaning to miss her
Because I don't
Not for her
It's not that I'm mad to forgive
Forget what I said

That I'm crazy like the rest of us
And I'm crazier when I'm next to her, ha

So why after the all of everything that came and went
I care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras
I told you I don't but
I am only trying to be the best with my intent to cure
The rest is sure to lay me ease the plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology
That's easier said
Easier than done
Please don't dare tell her what I've become
Please don't mention all the attention I have drawn
Please don't bother cause she'll feel guilty when I'm gone

Because I'm crazy like the rest of us
And I'm crazier when I'm next to her
And it's amazing how she's self-assured
And I know she'd hate me if she knew my words
Do I hurt anymore
Do I hurt, well
I don't
I don't
I don't


i'm dam sure abt gay..

we go together..

gay..

ho ho.. i'm in a good mood.. and this is a happy song



We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong
Remembered forever as shoo-bop sha whada whadda yippidy boom da boom
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop that's the way it should be
Waooo Yeah

We're one of a kind like dip da dip da dip do whap de dobby do
Our names are signed like boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby shoo wap shoo wap
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop we'll always be like one
Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-one

When we go out a night (oh oh)
And stars/planes are shining bright (oh, oh)
Up in the skies above
Or at the high school dance
Where you can find romance maybe it might be oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh

Ramma lamma lamma ka dingity ding da dong
Shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yippity boom da boom
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop
Yip da dip da dip shoo bop sha dooby do
Boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby sho wap sho wap
Sha na na na na na na na yippity dip da do
Ramma lamma lamma ka dingity ding da dong
Shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yippity boom sha boom
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop
Yip da dip da dip shoo bopp sha dooby do
Boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby sho wap sho wap
Sha na na na na na na na yippity dip da do
A womp bop a looma a womp bam boom

We're for each other like womp bop a looma a womp bam boom
Just like my brother is sha na na na na na na na yippity dip da do
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop we'll always be together
Waooo Yeah!

We'll always be together
We'll always be together
We'll always be together
We'll always be together
We'll always be together
We'll always be together
We'll always be together

XY day

gay

today shall be xy day.. why? i dont know.. it was pretty fun hanging out at the beach skating and taking crappy photos..

ok today marks the 5th DAY ONE of my attempt on going to the gym.. but hey, this time it may last.. since adam and malt and cat woman are gonna be in this..

i guess i'm getting too skinny. i wanna be bigger.. i wanna be stronger.. i'm slowly loosing self confidance.. the only time i do feel confidant is in the kitchen.. ohhh and hopefully next week i'll learn even more.. i'm gonna be working with cat womans dad at nomanton park.. only thing i'm dreading is the waking up at 6 am.. haha..

tml is thursday.. iona is leaving in a few days and we will spend time not cooking this time ok!!

i guess my questions are answered.. my worries are cleared.. my mind is clear.. at least for now..




the little baby chef..



i love playing dress up with xy cause shes so retarded..


all the chefs in the house put yur hands up!!


u can see whose incharge..

awwwwwwwwwwww... so gay..

idiot..

xy always reminded me of tinkerbell..


POOER

ah.. i'm a great photographer...

this is just stupid..




wooooooooooooooooooooooo....

we really wish we could throw both of YOU gummys into the sea..

ken would like this..


yo ah yo..

seems like the set of lost..


wa this pic is dam gay..


i think the girl in the back ground is hot..


this is just one of those classic gay backview of band shots..